ISM Lottery

The ISM lottery happened on the 11th of February. I was SUPER nervous about getting in, especially now because I thought at the beginning of the year: we will go to Denmark for a year and then go back to ISM and what we are used to. Of course! That is just how it was and would continue to be. On the morning of the 12th, Mom came into my room with a neutral expression. I had a hard time going to sleep the night before because of thinking so much about it. I looked up at Mom and she looked a little sad. We didn't get in...
I felt okay at first. I was sad, but it just needed to sink in. I hadn't yet realized it. Sometimes if you are hit by a shock you feel confused, sad and hurt all at once and you just need time to think and take it in and breath. Some shocks are harder to realize than others and this one is pretty hard. Stella is taking a longer time realizing that we didn't get in than I have.
When I first heard, I felt a light blue. I felt light blue because it just started soaking in and I was sad about the fact. Throughout the day, that blue got darker and darker. I also felt red. Red as in angry and scared. Not at anyone at all, but just at how we didn't get in. Purple as well. Purple means confused. I was very purple over what had happened. I know that there might still be a chance of getting in, but we don't know if anyone will leave ISM in the grades that we need. All I know right now is that  Stella and I did not get into ISM. I feel so sad. I only know ISM - it's my family, my comfort. I don't regret my time here in Denmark one bit, but I can't help feeling very, very sad not being able to return to my familiar surroundings and to graduate from ISM.
All of this is very hard to take in, but we will figure it out and by two months into the next school year, it will be our new normal, hopefully....

Many have said to calm down and don't worry but it is harder to do when it is actually happening to you for the first time. Here is some of the good advice that I have gotten...

"Danya, there are no certainties in the world (save death and taxes), but there is absolutely no reason to grieve. I strongly urge you to separate from the sadness and feelings of loss. Sit tight. Love what you're doing and experiencing. Love the people around you. Hold on to your friends. Skype! And stay in touch through Facebook, if you can." - MSped